Parenting Blessings

When was it that dining table for family turning to a entertainment place for the young toddlers and children ?

In Singapore, I am seeing an increasing number of  instances where parents ” dish ” out the iPads  so that the little one will be quiet at the dining table. However, it is a noise and nuisance to the nearby neighbors eating around them.  Imagine, you are trying to enjoy a nice meals in a relax ambiance and suddenly the sound of the ” angry birds” phew, phew noise came out from your left and your right side of the table !

This is the situation in Singapore. Inconsiderate parents. Parenting in the wrong way.

Keeping children well -mannered and trained at dinning table is no longer the default things that some of the modern parents want to do. They just want to keep their children away by distracting them with either a game or a video playing on the iPads. Is this the best way to train a kid ?  It is the same manner as allowing children to have their meals infront of the televisions. Except in this case, the device is portable and touch screen. And worst of all, the grand parents who are so strict and proper about all the manners are also encouraging the same behavior.

There are many ways to train a child at the dinning table. Setting an example, communicating and set expectation what a dinning table and meals with family is supposed to be- a place to interact with family members and not with machines.

How about in the public dinning area ? It is even more inconsiderate when the iPad is playing and disturbing the diners around them. No wonder, one of the short cuts that some restaurants taken was to ” NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.”

I am not against technology. In fact, I have worked in the IT industry marketing consumer and enterprise solutions since my working life started some 1.5 decades ago. But I am dead against having Technology gadgets to replace human relationships.  Technology gadgets should be used to help us increase productivity, shorten the lead time to reach out to the others and provide information and data analysis and entertainment at the right time.

Imagine, when these children grown up later as teenagers on that 2020 family dinning day. Instead to eating and talking and enjoying the company of their parents. They will be staring, playing, running their fingers onto the LED screen speaking to machines and their wrist watch or the future gadgets ( Intelligent Interactive Instant Device ) pulling information and multi - tasking without putting their heart to any conversation. Worst of you will be  sitting together physically but never close. You will be texting and sending senses of messaging across to different parties around the dinning table without a voice articulate, without emotion expressed ( except on text) . Is this really enjoyable and light hearted to have a meal together with family ?

What will you as then the parent of these kids do now  ?

You promoted this. You face the ” system” or machine.

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I have not written on my blog for quite long time due to other commitments as I grew with my child months by months. I cannot help but to share this since the conversation with one of the mother this morning.Every child is different. Even if they are twins, not one child is alike. God likes differences and have given each of them different talents, characters and qualities. Your parenting style, attitudes and methods will also change according to the situation and the child/ children or even the seniority of the children you have.Living in Singapore under a different education system that the government has taken; the objective of the government is to that groom and focus more on academic than on other aspects of the children’s talents, created many cross roads for the parents.Very often, I see the Ministry of Education and the people /parents viewing parenting as a huge factory churning up large pools of students and trying to streamline them like in  production lines. Those that fit into a certain mold, goes into one stream ( may be the best selected ), those out of the specs, goes into another stream ( may need to be trimmed ), those who are not useful, go to the trash stream ( to be disposed of ). The process of grooming these children are like in the movies ( especially those futuristics ones- Clones) where each of the categories are  brainwashed,  categorised, repeatedly enforced a certain values. These values are: You need to be ahead of your herd, you have perform to excel, you cannot stop but need to keep running (like the little hamster or the rat tested in the labs), the old world is not good, there is a promise of a new world that is better and it needs your effort to ” beat the rest” and be the top. Your academic determines your future employ abilities and your pay cheques. It is like; your academic results, determine the success in your life !Where the focus turns academic, when every achievements is measured by numbers of A* and points on the paper in your examination report card. When parents start manipulating, condemned, lied, getting through loop holes just to justify getting their children into the ” best category of production line”. What signals do parents sent to their children and their future generations.My advise to myself have been , do not go along with the flow of the herd. Questions yourself , where and what is your family values, parenting attitudes and goals. Where is your children talents ?  Just academic , or sports or asethetics  or even  having a listening ears and be empathetic are qualities and talents of some children.Have your our attitudes towards parenting. You know your children well by communicating and sharing your thoughts with them. Do not be sucked into the world or government system of education. Do not be pressured by other parents. If there is a need to pull yourself out of any parenting groups that is influencing you to do otherwise to your child/children, get out of it.No one is responsible for your children except for yourself. If you do not have your own way of parenting, you will not have unique children that belongs to you and share your family values.My prayer is for parents to have their attitude towards parenting to be right and not go along with the herd mentality and pushing the children into the ” production line of streaming and weighing their worth by academics only.

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My daughter is 8 this year and being the only one in the family, she is lonely and long for a younger brother or sisters. She asked me just yesterday again when we were out to see the doctor.” When will God be giving me a twin sister and brother  ?” I was struck dumb when she asked all of a sudden when we were out at the clinic.  I composed myself and stand on firm promises that God has already given me another. It will come.” Sweetie, it will come. God promised me and you.” I said dearly to her. She replied and sighed.” It has been so long.”My mind dashes back to 2 weeks ago on the way to church services. My daughter suddenly stated, ” I made 3 wishes as pastor asked. One of them has not come to pass yet. When will my little sister be coming ? “” Was this the wish you had made ? ” I asked her. ” Yeah”" It will soon come to pass. It will come.” It was the same wish I had made too.I have doubt sometimes just like my daughter however recently, I am feeling the peace and ease that everything that God has promised will come to be realised. It is not about how old I am or how old my daughter is. It is not also the symptoms that may deter one to hold onto the faith or promise.Faithful and Loving Jesus, I believe you and our hearts desire will come to be realised.Amen !P/S : I am smelling the sweet fragrance of a new born after bath. Was it my mind playing tricks on me ?

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My daughter is at a stage where she does NOT experience examination anxiety at all. She has been so relaxed that I were the one who has examination anxiety on her behalf. .I have been travelling much this year because of my new role and frankly have not been diligently working with her on her revision on topics studied in school. It has been all fun and play with her whenever I have free time with her. Walking along the beach, singing songs, playing computer games or DS lite or even visiting friends and have dinner together with their children.This year, I did not feel the stress from the teachers. This was a surprise to me.  I have not received any emails or SMS from them or even notes on my daughter’s notebook on what to revise and what to note. Or have it that my daughter been losing all the notes given out.Yes, only 1 thing we did not prepared together. It was the Chinese Oral presentation. That was the only time I felt very anxious and worried. Daddy, who has not been very good ( or below average ) in Chinese was the one who help and corrected her essay for Chinese Oral and Composition examination. Both father and daughter had forgotten to consult the private tutor I hired for her in this area. When Daddy proudly show me the corrected essay (copied version)  which my daughter has submitted, I was furiously jumping mad ! The sentence construction was not right for 1-2 sentences. The words used are wrong! There are many Chinese words that sound alike but written in different ways as each word represent a different meaning. Her daddy totally got it wrong ! My daughter has since thought that was the correct word. ( Nian Ji ( 2nd Sound )meaning different grades in school vs Nian Ji (4 sound)- meaning different centuries.  You see, my daughter holds high esteem of her father. “Daddy and Mummy knows better and more words than I do. ” I have to do ” de- and re- engineering ” to her before can can get the pronouniciation and the right wording written accurately.So what did I do ? I did most parents in Singapore do. Took leave for 2 days and stay by her side to revise on all the sums she had done wrong, encourage and keep reminding her she has God by her side and has God given Wisdom; she has to call on Jesus and Jesus will give her the answer to her doubts.  Get her to bed early and ensure she gets the proper rest needed before her examination day. My daughter has been having this running nose for more than 10 days and I have just brought her to see her regular Dr Chan.Dr Chan was sharing about how a very anxious kid ( a patient of hers) whom cannot eat well and sleep well before examination was sent to her by her parents to be council by her. When my daughter heard this, she told me later in the evening before bed that she wants to visit Dr Chan again before next exam in school. I asked her why. She said Dr Chan’s patient got all As after visiting Dr Chan. She wants to do so too ! Well, in my heart, I was telling myself, it is I who need to see Dr Chan and not my daughter.

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One of the greatest things about having kids is being able to  relive your childhood all over again.And what better way to bond with your kids than to play with them ?The next time you start down the side walk with your 6 years old , have a running, hopping and jumping race to the nearest tree instead of  plodding along.And who said you can’t make faces in public ?When you are eating at the hawker centre and you feel like being silly, have a funny- face contest. When was the last time you sat down with a colouring- book ?Your little girl will love it when you lie on the floor beside her with a stack of crayons and colour.So don’t always take parenting so seriously,All after, why shouldn’t kids have all the fun ?

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