5 Tips to a Better Relationship with Your Children
Posted: November 14, 2007Recently I see lots of materials on parenting on from The National Family Council. I just want to share with those parents whom I think will be very appropriate to make parenting impactful and meaning to your child’s life.
1. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
This is very well said. Many a times busy parents like us are too caught up with the doing of the things and have thus neglected spending quality time with our children. I have seen too many times that parents substituted their absence with materials things bought with money as gifts for children. Children needs to feel and sense the physical presence of their parents. These have to be done by parents participating and involving in their lives.
2. Your children will become what you are, so be what you want them to be.
Is there a parenting goal plan or vision statement of what your children will be? Have you thought about it? It is not the occupation your children will be, it is not how much money they will earn. It is what sort of life and their behavior do you want them to be when they are adults. In a recent parenting briefing class, the instructor highlighted that how the children behave in public is a reflection of their parents in their life.
3. Treat your children with respect and your children will mirror your behavior.
This is especially true and clearly seen when your child is a teenager. If your style of parenting is shouting across the room or table to get your children to hear you and that’s the way you give instruction. The children will behave in similar manners too. My ex-neighbor is a “Shouting mummy”. She shouts to get her instruction across the house to get her 3 children to act. Very naturally her oldest of the 3 children also behave in such manner. One of the night the daughter actually shouted back at her mum for 30 minutes at 11 p.m. to 1130 p.m. before the quarrel finally stop. If you do not treat your child with respect the same will be treated back to you. Children are the best imitators when they are younger.
4. Teach your children the essential 2 Ms- Good Morals and Good Manners
The civilized world of today has many means of disseminating information. Some of the information are immoral but was treat as a norm or worst default acceptable. Example: Gay marriages, Homosexuality and even telling lies. In the business and political world, news on TV and on print media showed countless events of immoral acts but only to highlight the results of the act and not the act itself. Example: People lied to get to what they want as status or control or authority. However, when he/she succeeds, the highlights were the status or control or authority achieved and not the lying part. Thus, teaching children the essential of Good Morals are the basic foundation and importance of parenting. It echoes point 2 as stated. Do not let the world or society to teach your children. Each family should have their set of morals and family belief to teach and pass down by generations.
Good Manners are very seldom found in the world now. If I were to name a few countries or race that people have good manners. I think I could only think about Japan. Japanese are generally good –mannered (exception happened on a few black sheep) Do you know it is a bad manner to speak on mobile/cell phone in the public areas like trains, buses or even some of the restaurants? I have so much peace when I visited Tokyo recently. No phone ringing tones, no “loudspeakers” – inconsiderate people speaking on their mobile as if they want the whole world to know that they are going to buy a new house or make a windfall. Many chinese families are also very particular about manners. Manners like greeting the elders in the family, no talking with mouth full, no playing with chopsticks when eating are a few to name.
5. Do not rush to fight your children’s battles. Just be there for them and help them cope.
Too many times, first time parents are too protective over their child. Give some space and time to let children learnt where and when and how they should do and fight when there is a battle. We fall on the trap on jumping in to help them too early. Thus, making children who are too dependent on parents in every decision or who will avoid problems or who are too weak to handle the pressure and battle of the world. Some children will disclose to the parents that they have broken them and they can no longer be independent and responsible. Some children will not able to handle their emotion and may turn depressed or rebellious or terror to others.
Therefore, there are few basic fundamentals to parenting. These basic fundamentals build up the characters and the relationship between child and parents. These are very essential to start when young. These few tips will become the turning point of your parent and child relationship if it is following through. Parenting is a process and most parenting objective is to make your child a successful and independent and making positive contribution to the world.
