Raising Teens: Save your Energy for Crucial Confrontations
Posted: August 6, 2008One of the most delicate aspects of raising a teenager is figuring out what’s worth a showdown and what isn’t.
I remember talking to a waitress, a single mother, in a resturant a few years ago. When she found out that I was a psychologist, she began telling me about her 12 years old daughter. ” We have fought tooth and nail for an entire year,” she said. ” It’s been awful! We go at it every night- usually over the same issue.” “What’s that ? ” I asked.” Well, she’s still a little girl, but she wants to shave her legs. And I feel she’s too young, but she gets angry , she won’t talk to me .”
I looked her in the eye and said,” Go buy your daughter a shaver.” That 12 year-old -girl was padding into a time of life that would rock her river good and hard.
As a single parent, her mother would soon be trying to keep this rebellious teenager from getting into drugs, alcohol, sex and preganancy. Truly, there would be many ravenous alligators in her river within a year of two. In that setting, it seemed unwise to make a big deal over what was essentially a non-issue.
I’ve seen other parents fight similar battels over what were really inconsequential issues. I urge you not to damage your friendship with your children over behaviour that has no great moreal significance. There will be plenty of real issues that require you to stand like a rock. Save your energy for those crucial confrontations.
By Dr James Dobson
