Don’t do guilt parenting
Posted: July 10, 2009Many of us did not realize that we do sometimes fall into the trap of guilt parenting. This is common especially for working parents or single parents. What is guilt parenting ? In my definition, it is when you indulge your kids with excess luxury,treats, exceptions to the values and practises when you feel that you have not done your part as a parent. You make excuses for yourself that it is alright for this time as your child is unique and he/she has not gotten what she should have deserved.
Children are very sensitive and smart. They can decerned this parenting style very much. Some of them will then use this to channel to their advantages and it becomes a viscious cycle that parents do not even recognise that they have promoted this. The consequence is that in the long run, children will manipulate the guilt to get their ways. Worst is that they carry such parenting style into their own parenting method too !
Common examples are :
1. You feel that you have spent lesser time with them. Instead of weekends spent with them and promised to bring them out, you have instead promised your boss to complete a project for him during weekend or decided to fly off for a work trip during the weekend instead. Your guilt parenting falls in when you wanted desperately to compensate the time lost with a promise to a trip, a toy or sovenirs that you will bring back or extra pocket money or a new x box 360 !
2. You child called you in the middle of a meeting. The meeting was tense and you are on the firing squad, bombarded by your boss and team. You picked up the phone and snapped onto your child. Or worst, you shut down the mobile phone multiple times when she/he called again and again. After the meeting, you felt lousy and called back. The first you got to know is that the child has gone out and not completed his assigned homework. You snapped and shouted scolding them on the phone. Evening time, when you are back at work, you refused to talk to anyone and started to nag at everyone. Everything that they or your spouse has done is not satisfactory in your eyes. You cried your self to sleep that night.
I do fall into this trap often. However, I have also learnt to recognise this and address this problem to myself to stop using guilt parenting method. First, I have to humbly recognised my own faults. Secondly, I need to nip that situation in the bud. Address the concerns and put in priorities the work and the children. Thirdly, the materials treats that I used was to be worked in situations of motivations and not guilt parenting. Fourthly and lastly, I never hesitant to say sorry and kiss my child when I know I fall into this trap.
Once I have done the basic of the steps, I am free of guilt parenting as well as the negative consequences that can bring to myself, my child, my rest of my family as well as the caretakers.
